Eyelash Curlers & Butcher Knives

"Sasha: so lemme get this straight… Sasha: you asked for sex on the 2nd date Sasha: and when..."

Tue, 19 Jul 2011 04:09:32 -0400

“Sasha: so lemme get this straight…
Sasha: you asked for sex on the 2nd date
Sasha: and when she said no you started crying?
Rhys: yep
Sasha: and she felt sorry for ya and put out?
Rhys: yep
Sasha: so in order to get pussy, you gotta BE a pussy?
Rhys: seems like it
Sasha: i swear to god the whole fuckin world’s against me!”

"Sasha: whenever I get a hardon Sasha: I pass out Sasha: well, I actually faint Sasha: because the..."

Tue, 19 Jul 2011 04:08:21 -0400

“Sasha: whenever I get a hardon
Sasha: I pass out
Sasha: well, I actually faint
Sasha: because the idea of getting laid shocks me”

"Rhys: We caught a catfish with some weird-ass face tentacles… Rhys: That’s the best way..."

Tue, 19 Jul 2011 04:05:00 -0400

“Rhys: We caught a catfish with some weird-ass face tentacles…
Rhys: That’s the best way I can describe these things.
Sasha: lol
Sasha: I thought weird-ass face tentacles was a defining characteristic of catfish…
Rhys: It wasn’t like whiskers…these things were half as long as the fish itself, and almost as thick.
Rhys: Heh, these were above and beyond the call of duty for catfish face tentacles.
Rhys: Weird-ass sunovabitch.
Sasha: lulz
Sasha: mutant
Rhys: Yeah. It was big enough to keep, but we tossed it back cause we weren’t going to eat something that looked that fucked up.
Sasha: if you eat a mutant catfish, perhaps you get mutant catfish superpowers… I wonder what those would be?
Rhys: …
Rhys: The ability to become a bottom-sucking scum eater?
Rhys: Hrmmm
Rhys: So you become a politician.”

"Sasha: What do you guys do after sex? Rhys: i like to cuddle with her Me: i leave Sebba: i Bury her..."

Tue, 19 Jul 2011 04:04:31 -0400

“Sasha: What do you guys do after sex?
Rhys: i like to cuddle with her
Me: i leave
Sebba: i Bury her again”

"Me: Whoa; if my shit was a nuke aimed at Hiroshima, Russia would get blown up Dez: It was That..."

Tue, 19 Jul 2011 04:03:58 -0400

“Me: Whoa; if my shit was a nuke aimed at Hiroshima, Russia would get blown up
Dez: It was That big?
Me: No, i missed.”

"Sasha: Religion is like a penis. Sasha: It’s fine to have one. Sasha: It’s fine to be..."

Tue, 19 Jul 2011 04:02:52 -0400

“Sasha: Religion is like a penis.
Sasha: It’s fine to have one.
Sasha: It’s fine to be proud of it.
Sasha: But please don’t whip it out in public and start waving it around.
Sasha: And PLEASE don’t try to shove it down children’s throats.”

"Rhys: whenever i get out of the shower i have a habit of writing… well… drawing things..."

Tue, 19 Jul 2011 04:02:14 -0400

“Rhys: whenever i get out of the shower i have a habit of writing… well… drawing things in the mirror for the next person to see…. dinosaurs, ghosts, monsters, you know the usual… but this time, i went to the bathroom, and my mom had just taken a shower… so i look at the fogged up window, and write “look down” with arrows pointing downwards. we have the curtins covering the lower half of the window, so after you pull them aside you see another ghost with sharp teeth saying, “BOO!!”… god my parents are gonna think i smoke pot… :/”

"Reznor: to a certain extent I prefer guys over girls. Guys rather punch you when you say something..."

Tue, 19 Jul 2011 04:00:13 -0400

“Reznor: to a certain extent I prefer guys over girls. Guys rather punch you when you say something wrong, but with women you have to find out first what you did wrong, then apologise, then explain why you are a bastard, and then buy her a gift”

"Jamie: sup nigz Dez: Sup racial slur Dez: how the fornicate are you?"

Tue, 19 Jul 2011 03:59:07 -0400

“Jamie: sup nigz
Dez: Sup racial slur
Dez: how the fornicate are you?”

"Reznor: Oh. Reznor: My. Reznor: God. Reznor: We have a unit here. It’s about the size of a..."

Tue, 19 Jul 2011 03:58:22 -0400

“Reznor: Oh.
Reznor: My.
Reznor: God.
Reznor: We have a unit here. It’s about the size of a small speaker.
Reznor: In big letters across the front of it, it says “DATA DESTROYER.”
Reznor: Some idiot comes into my office just now, and asks, “hey, what is this thing?”
Reznor: I say sarcastically, “it’s a DVD polisher…”
Reznor: Next thing I hear: *GRIND GRIND GRIND* “WHAT THE FUCK?!?!”
Reznor: Now they’re pissed at ME.
Reznor: Because THEY couldn’t read.
Reznor: Besides, it’s not like I gave them PERMISSION to use MY “DVD Polisher.”
Reznor: I hate people.”

"Me: “A man was hospitalized with 6 plastic horses up his ass. The doctors described his..."

Tue, 19 Jul 2011 03:57:04 -0400

“Me: “A man was hospitalized with 6 plastic horses up his ass. The doctors described his condition as stable.””

"Dez: fuckin ricers Dez: civics are like tampons, every pussy has one"

Tue, 19 Jul 2011 03:54:00 -0400

“Dez: fuckin ricers
Dez: civics are like tampons, every pussy has one”

"Sasha: I swear… I don’t need to see commercials for tampons while cartoons are on Sasha:..."

Tue, 19 Jul 2011 03:52:32 -0400

“Sasha: I swear… I don’t need to see commercials for tampons while cartoons are on
Sasha: “IT’S SO SMALL I DON’T NEED THE APPLICATOR! IT FITS TO MY CONTOURS!!” “YES!! MY LABIA JUST GRABS IT LIKE A BIONIC CLAW AND TRACTOR BEAMS IT IN!!””

"Rhys: hey dude the funniest thing happened to me today Rhys: im at walmart and this chick is buying..."

Tue, 19 Jul 2011 03:51:58 -0400

“Rhys: hey dude the funniest thing happened to me today
Rhys: im at walmart and this chick is buying a box of tampons and they are missing the upc and wont ring up
Rhys: so the cashier tells his buddy to get a price check on tampax
Rhys: the dude looks at him and says, “the kind you push in, or the kind you hammer in?”
Rhys: turns out he misheard him
Rhys: he thought he said thumb tacks
Rhys: you should have seen the look on the chicks face
Rhys: omfg
Rhys: til the day i die
Rhys: i will never forget it”

"Reznor: Gimme a C! Dez: C! Saz: C Nargoth: C!! Reznor: Gimme a H! Dez: H! Saz: H Nargoth: H! Reznor:..."

Tue, 19 Jul 2011 03:48:46 -0400

“Reznor: Gimme a C!
Dez: C!
Saz: C
Nargoth: C!!
Reznor: Gimme a H!
Dez: H!
Saz: H
Nargoth: H!
Reznor: Gimme a EESE!
Dez: EESE…
Saz: EESE!
Nargoth: EESE
Reznor: Gimme a CAKE!
Dez: CAKE!
Saz: CAKE
Nargoth: CAKE!!
Reznor: *runs off with the three cakes*
Reznor: Suckers.”

"Sasha: I’m such a ditz, I dialed my phone number into the microwave"

Tue, 19 Jul 2011 03:45:50 -0400

“Sasha: I’m such a ditz, I dialed my phone number into the microwave”

"Sasha: if i had a better body, and clearer skin, i’d be a snobby bitch"

Tue, 19 Jul 2011 03:44:27 -0400

“Sasha: if i had a better body, and clearer skin, i’d be a snobby bitch”

"Sasha: god fucking damnit Sasha: my sister puked all over my toilet Sasha: i just fucking cleaned..."

Tue, 19 Jul 2011 03:43:38 -0400

“Sasha: god fucking damnit
Sasha: my sister puked all over my toilet
Sasha: i just fucking cleaned that thing earlier from where nathan shit all over it
Sasha: good thing i bought that toilet bowl cleaner today
Rhys: what a ridiculous thing to waste your money on
Nargoth: get a dog
Nargoth: dogs clean everything”

"Sasha: I’ve got cats, they like to puke (always on the fucking carpet, no matter what). While..."

Tue, 19 Jul 2011 03:41:00 -0400

“Sasha: I’ve got cats, they like to puke (always on the fucking carpet, no matter what). While this bothers me, it at one time was tolerable when one kitty would puke the other would run in and eat it. I liked that system, I’d cheer them on, let them know that they where good kitties, pet them while they ate each others puke, and what not. I even had it down to a perfect science where I’d reduce catfood to insure total puke clean
Sasha: WTF? Do they expect me to eat it? Cause I’m not some bottomless pit, they puke a lot and I doubt I could keep up with that.
Rhys: heh
Dez: You can tell someone needs to get out of the house and interact with humans when…
Reznor: …they’re cheering for puke eating kittens?”

"Rhys: all the french kids at my school Rhys: look at porn all day Rhys: they’re like Rhys:..."

Tue, 19 Jul 2011 03:40:29 -0400

“Rhys: all the french kids at my school
Rhys: look at porn all day
Rhys: they’re like
Rhys: “HAW HAW HAW… LE PORNO EST TRES BIEN””